Dead

Lights at the Strikes Bowling Alley

I think other than the fact that I'm physically functioning for the most part, I'm pretty much dead. This semester has been a biznotch to me in so many different ways that my used-to-be-plenty stock of motivation is slowly diminishing into sheer nothingness. Though reassurance is abundantly handed out to me by friends and family, it still doesn't seem to be sufficient enough to get me back on track. It's like there's a voice that constantly whispers "failure" into my ears.

And when there's a voice that calls to you like this, you feel the need to just give up and stop trying. You feel good for a while, thinking about how much you don't care; how it's just you and the world right now; how you're finally free. Then a midterm, or a paper, or a project creeps up behind you and then BAM, you pull an intense all-nighter, and stress once again prevails and the whole process starts all over again.

Shame.
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Things I want to do instead of work...

1. Dance around. Possibly naked. Even if Ashola does this on a regular basis, I've never tried it. Who knows, maybe this will make me happy.

2. Go to the zoo. Sometimes, I like the idea of reverting back to childhood where all you cared about was whether Mommy was gonna keep her promise and take you to the zoo to see the lions, and tigers, and bears (oh my!)

3. Sit on the sand near the water on a beach. Mmmm, just oh so relaxing.

4. Stay in bed the whole day. Have breakfast, lunch, and dinner there. With a good book.

5. DNP-day. Not that I don't see CHB abundantly already, buut, I'd like for one time to be absolutely worry-free, without any laptops or books or notes around. No need to spend tons of moolahs...

6. Paint. Boy, haven't done that in a while.

7. Go home without any homework. It cuts too much into my family time.